It's Not My Fault!!
*these are my thoughts after someone asked me about having a victim mentality and what to do about it.
I implore you...do not let the trauma you've been through and the victimization that you survived leave you with a victim mentality! Because girl, that does not look good on you. In fact, it doesn't look good on anybody. Face it, Nobody enjoys being around someone who never owns up to their mistakes, doesn't take responsibility for their own actions, or blames their lot in life on everybody except themselves.
That type of behavior lacks integrity, character, humility, and honesty. And you are better than that. You were created for more!
The great news is if those qualities have been deposited within you, they don't have to stay there! They can be pulled up like so many dead weeds and replanted with healthy amazing, beautiful plants that will produce much fruit in your life and the lives of others.
The very first step to kicking this is admitting that this is manifesting in your life. If it is, stomp on the shame, don't pick up that guilt, just admit it, let it go, and move on.
Unsure if this applies to you? Some classic thought patterns and behaviors look like "Why me?" Or "Why do people always use me?" Or "I will never get what I want, or be able to do that because........." Just fill in the blank.
The truth is when we are used, it's because we allowed it. Ouch! It's true, though. When we blame other people, or circumstances for our lack of happiness, we are giving away the power to make our life what we want it to be. We are telling ourselves it's outside of our control, basically saying we have an excuse not to try or move forward in life.
Settling for a life of complaining and negativity means we don't have to look inside, or do the work to make a change. It's a self-perpetuating cycle. In fact, some people get into such a habit of this, that they end up playing a rescuing/helping role in other peoples' lives because then they don't have to focus on their own stuff. It's a coping mechanism so they don't have to deal with their own situations.
We have a lot of things we can choose. We can choose happy thoughts, positive messages, and happy friends. We can choose who we hang out with, and the messages we allow into our hearts and minds. We can start by taking a 'no complaining' pledge, or taking inventory of the shows and music we are taking in. Are they edifying, and encouraging, or disparaging and critical?
Honestly, once we see the symptoms and accept the truth that playing the victim is our own choice, a funny thing happens. We begin to feel more powerful and in charge of our own destinies.
Now wait!! I'm not saying that our victimization of trafficking is us playing the victim. I am saying, however, that we can choose to look at every single situation and decide what we are going to do about it. When we focus our energy on how to change a situation, we begin to focus on solutions rather than circumstances.
For instance, perhaps I have what I feel is a deadend job, with people who are unfriendly and spiteful. I could go into work every day and allow that atmosphere to soak into my heart and make me feel helpless and depressed. Or, I could choose to be thankful I have a job, do the best work I can, no matter what, and make a decision to happily stay there, or look for something different. I could choose to complain, or choose to make a list of all the ways I contribute, which will reinforce the truth that I'm a valuable worker. Which in turn will help me feel equipped to land that better job. When we focus on negativity, we are literally poisoning our own hearts, and partnering with it.
So, what's a girl to do? For one, remember and operate from the truth that people cannot 'make' us feel a certain way. How we feel is on us. No one, for instance, can make you feel ugly, or stupid. Their behavior is a reflection of them. Our response to their behavior is what determines how we are going to feel; either hurt by their words, or wondering what the heck is up with them! It's a bit difficult to begin, but it can be done! And the more we do it, the more it becomes a new, permanent mindset.
Creating a list of the great qualities about ourselves helps change our thinking and make us begin to feel how valuable we truly are. Here are a few other habits to cultivate that will speed you on your way towards feeling positive, powerful and in control of your life.
Kick out the comparisons - There's only one you. Compare yourself to YOU.
Kickstart your day with gratitude - Before your feet hit the floor list three things your are grateful for.
Kick unforgiveness to the curb - Do a regular search of you heart for things you need to release. It ensures continued freedom.
Kick serving into gear - As we say at our church, "Get your Serve On" Not to the detriment of yourself or to avoid, but to be a help to another.
Kick self-talk up a notch - Stop beating yourself up and read your list of great attributes daily
Start today, and you will be surprised just how quickly things begin to change. Empower YOU!! You are the only you, and you are terrific!